After 8 months of being separated. 3 month of being on again and off again, I’ve decided that I’m going to get a divorce. We recently had one last talk about our expectations and it just didn’t go well, to say the least.
I don’t know why it took me this long to get fed up. To realize that I don’t deserve to be talked to like a child. Or how I don’t deserve to come last after all his family and friends. Or how there was never any love there.
Love takes work, but should it really take that much work? There were times that I was happy, but over all the last four years have been really hectic for me.
So I’m slowly working on me. I’m really trying to get to a point where all of my surroundings are positive and complementing me.
It was hard for me to make that final decision though. Even though things were messed up, I still know this person intimately. I’ve dealt with and known nothing else for almost five years. I realized awhile ago that even though we didn’t agree on a lot of things, he was my comfort zone and I didn’t want to give that up.
I was so hopeful. I thought that circumstances would change, once he got a job, once he had his money, once he got out of the house and got some friends and started doing things instead of sitting in the house and being bored and depressed. But this new circumstance, brought about different circumstances. Like contribution to family bills or the lack thereof, and contribution to the kids, to the romance and intimate department and so on and so forth.
I know this is the case for most women, we have faith. We hold onto something for so long because we are hopeful that they are going to change. We place the ball in their court and hope that they will make the right decision. When in turn we are the ones who need to make the decisions. We have a say in our destiny.
Someone shared something in a book and mentioned something about the need to be right. I think that I’ve given up that need to be right. The need to point out all that I feel he’s done wrong and I’ve just plum given up.
Trust and communication is so key. And if you don’t have that, on top of romance and money, MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnn, you all kind of fucked up…
So I decided that I give up. I’m truly tired of being tired. Truly deserve better. In 91 days, I will be living single…
