Naughty and Torn

Last night I went to the strip club.  Now I’m a porn watcher and have been known to be curious about what goes down in a strip club.  So I went to one for the first time last night.  Now, I’ve had a stripper at my bachelorette party, but being surrounded by men and women strippers is just something else.  It just doesn’t come close to a personal stripper in the privacy in ones home.

So I am there.  Completely over dressed, in my brown slacks and a bell sleeved blouse.  And I feel completely out of place.  But after three hours of drinking rum, chased with beer, I got over that shyt.  I’m sitting and observing, sometimes dancing, but mostly observing and I’m stunned by a couple things.  First, we were trying to figure out if the couple in the back in the corner were two lesbians or a dude and his girl.  Then, we were trying to figure out why dudes would accompany their ladies to the “male” strip club.  Third, I was trying to figure out why this dude allowed his girl, to come out to the club in a ultra mini, with her ass cheeks hanging out.  And then, why she was on the dance floor, pulling up her skirt and showing her pink lace thongs all night.

Then, the strippers come out.  (this is why there were men there!) The first chic stripper was a woman.  She was too damn skinny, and in desperate need of a two piece and a biscuit.  She was tall and pretty and had nice long legs, but if I was a dude,  I wouldn’t spend a damn dime on her.  She didn’t take anything off, so I was ok with her performance. 

Then this dude came out.  Miami something or anything.  he was cute.  Came out in his egypt mask and costume, and he did his thing.  Worked the pole and everything.  What I did not realize was that these men, grab a lady from the audience, or in some cases, a lady volunteers herself, and the man mimicks all kinds of sexual madness with them.  From eating their couchies, to tossing and turning them into every which position, to pretending like they are going to put their dicks in their mouth!  I’m like SSSSSSSShhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeettttttt!!!!!

So there’s a brief pause and then the lap dances begin.  The chics that I was with paid and persuaded the dude to come over to me and dance for me.  Taken all off guard, and not wanting to be a prude, I lost my mind for a brief moment.  I touched and rubbed on his chest and the lower regions, and was completely in the moment, and then I snapped out of it and checked myself.

Then the next stripper came out.  It was another woman.  One of the women, who’d been sitting in the audience w/another woman, as if she was a patron.  NOT A STRIPPER.  And apparently, the woman she was sitting with must of been her lady, cause she was a total different person when her “homegirl” was on stage.    But anyway, this stripper was ok.  She was thicker than the first chic.  And she got naked!  So of course her tips were bigger and better.  Dudes and females were all over this chic.  Even the DJ’s were making it rain???  Oh Lawd!

So the last stripper dude comes out.  And he’s tall, and hung like no other.  This mickey fickey had it going on.  And he got pretty much naked.  I never thought that jibby slings existed, but they do… This dude had one on that made it appear he didn’t have one on.  I couldn’t believe it.  But at this point it’s like 2:30 in the morning, and I’m ready to go home and play with myself and take my ass to sleep.

But not before, my girls at the table inform me that one of my girls just got her va-jay-jay eaten out, by home dude that was with the girl with the ultra mini on.  Que???  Que???  I’m stunned.  THEN, they tell me that there’s a dude behind the curtain, sitting next to the people who are getting it on, beating his meat!!!!  Que???  For serious????

Ok, so I’ve heard it, but now I need to see it.  So sure nuff, as I’m walking out, there’s two people on this couch behind the curtain, doing “stuff” and there’s a white dude with his jibby in his hand, dazed and confused…

Oh Lawd!

I’m torn because I was so turned on by some stuff.  And totally embarassed by some other stuff.  Like is this what is going on in the streets.  This is exactly why God gave me the body that he did.  And the reason why I stay broke, have two kids that I’m solely responsible for, and have lived in the slowest state for all kinds of industries. 

I am glad that this was my first experience.  But I feel like such a hypocrite.  One minute I’m appalled by women who act an azz and do rediculous things for people like plies, flavor flav and the cute ass white boy, Bret Michaels.

I’m torn because even though, I don’t carry myself like this, I am condoning the mess and contributing to it.  Oh well, what’s done is done, and I had a fucking blast but I really need to check myself and my thoughts. 

Bottom line, It was  a great night out.  Much needed stress reliever.  And great footage for my masterbating moments!  What?  E’ry body cums shyt!  And…